random thoughts

*Warning: This post is more of a stream of consciousness. Sorry if it isn't that coherent.*

I have had lots of thoughts in my head this past week. It is kind of overwhelming. I feel like I need a change in my life. Not like a job or location change, but more like a change of heart. I feel this urge/need to grow closer to God. I want to be better about having a daily quiet time with God. I feel better when I have that quiet time. A couple of nights ago, I started having that quiet time. I was laying in bed and sharing everything that I was thankful for, my hopes, my fears, and my worries. I always start my prayers with a big thank you to God. He is wonderful. I have more blessings than I deserve. Then I share my hopes. I have a lot of hopes. I have hopes for friends, family, work, etc. Then comes the fears and worries. My fears mainly consist of my hopes not coming true. My worries are how I am going to deal with my hopes not coming true.

I had a Sunday School teacher in middle school who had frequent conversations with God. I remember him telling us one time in the grocery store God told him to buy an extra gallon of milk. He didn't know why, but God told him to do it so he did. Then as he was driving home God told him to drive to this stranger's house. He didn't know where he was going or who he was going to meet, but God told him to do it so he did. I'm not making this up, I swear. God told him when he had arrived and told him to take that gallon of milk and give it to the people in that house. He didn't understand, but God told him to do it so he did. He knocked on the door and a woman answered the door. She was a young, single mom struggling to make ends meet. My SS teacher told this woman what had happened with God telling him to get extra milk at the grocery store and everything else. The woman burst into tears. She needed milk for her and her kids, but didn't have the money. Now as a middle schooler listening to this story I was skeptical, but I figured that since my SS teacher was telling me this it must be the truth. He wouldn't lie to us. Throughout the year he told us of more stories similar to this. God talked loudly and clearly to him. I later became jealous that God didn't talk to me like this. I wished he would. I just always felt unclear on what God wanted me to do. I needed a burning bush that talked to me.

Sidenote: I loved it when ABC would play The Ten Commandments every Easter Sunday. I have fond memories of my parents fixing a big dinner on Easter Sunday and we would watch this movie. To this day when people mention anything about Moses I automatically think back to the movie. Then it all makes sense :)

Anyways, the other night as I was praying I felt God. There I was laying in my bed praying and all of a sudden I felt this thing. It felt like all of a sudden there was this heavy extra blanket being put on top of me. I froze when I felt it, but then I felt compelled to continue praying. It was a complete God thing. I felt so much better after praying to God. Through reading lots of blogs I have found key thoughts that make me feel hopeful.

God has a great plan for my life. It is greater than I could design myself.

God knows the desires of my heart. He is great enough to give me the desires of my heart or to take the desires away. This was so eye opening to me. It makes me feel hopeful, because I still have the desire to get married and have kids one day. So as long as I have that desire I have hope and confidence that one day it will happen.

When we're wrapped in garments of mourning, we're unavailable for whatever else God has for us. In a sense, we take ourselves out of the game. This was also eye opening to me. I don't usually get a little upset. I get A LOT upset. I basically shut down and take myself out of the game. I hate that in the times I need God the most I shut Him out. How awful of me!

I remember on a church choir trip we had a devotional by one of the chaperones about worrying. Mrs. Mary Lynn is one of my favorite people. She talked to us about how worrying is bad, because it is not having faith and trust in God's plan. Wow! It was very shocking to me when I heard it. Did it stop me from worrying about things? Nope. I still have worries. On a good day, I reflect back on the statement from Mrs. Mary Lynn's devotion. Feel free to remind me about how worrying is not having faith and trust in God's plan the next time I share a worry with you. I will thank you for it.

I also feel a need to join a Sunday School class. It has been a long time since I have been in a SS class. Like maybe college like sophomore or junior year of college. I have had some dumb reasons for not going to Sunday School like I don't want to get up earlier to go to church and I don't want to go by myself. Truth be told, there are things I miss out on because I don't want to do it or go there by myself. I pray that I will find the strength and courage to step outside of my comfort zone and find a Sunday School class.

While I was looking at potential SS classes I found the prayer request page. My church has an online form for prayer requests. I filled one out. Then people can check the prayer requests and you can click on it after you pray for that person. Then each time someone prays for me I get an email. I think it is the neatest thing. So far 4 people have prayed for me!

Congratulations on reading through all my ramblings! You deserve a prize :)