Happy Father's Day

Father's Day has been a difficult day for me for a long time. There were many years that I just stayed at home for the whole weekend and moped around. There were many years I didn't even go to church on Father's Day. It was difficult to hear sermons about being a father and see little kids, especially girls, with their fathers on Father's Day. I was jealous. And hurt. And angry. It was like every Father's Day weekend my heart broke again and I remembered that awful night that my dad left me and this Earth. I spent a long time being  hurt and angry at God for what He did. I just couldn't understand it. I accept it now, but I don't know if I can ever make sense of why it had to happen. I don't talk about my dad very much to people. If anyone asks about him I will talk about him, but I don't bring it up. It is awkward to say, "Oh, my dad passed away when I was 14." Although my time with my dad was cut short, I am still thankful to have all of the great memories I have of us. I had 14 wonderful years with him, which is more than a lot of people had with their dad's. Becca turned 8 a couple of weeks after he passed away. I also remind myself that I had a wonderful dad which is more than a lot of people. He loved me. He cared for me. There are people who had dad's who didn't love or care for them and even were abusive. Some people didn't have a dad, just a sperm donor. These are the things I remind myself when I get upset about losing my dad.

In honor of my dad I found some pictures from my childhood of me and him. These pictures bring me great joy :)

a kiss from Daddy

*Look at all of that hair! I was born with a head full of hair that was long enough to reach my neck.

dancing with daddy

I only had eyes for him

opening presents

*As a small child I got lots of presents from my dad. He was stationed in Germany with the Army from age 2 1/2 to 5. So he was mail me presents quite often. He missed out on my birthday for several years. I remember getting birthday presents mailed to me. It's the downside to having a November birthday. It's too close to Thanksgiving and Christmas. The presents in this picture are wrapped in Happy Birthday paper. I think this was some belated birthday presents from him.

kissing Daddy

*ignore my messy room :)

When I was little I would race down the hall to my bed every night at bed time with my dad.

a family picture

*poor Mom didn't know how the 80's perm and blue eye shadow would look 20+ years later

sometimes I miss polaroid pictures

this was my dad's favorite picture of me

He liked it so much that we took the one he kept in his wallet and placed it in his pocket for his funeral and burial.

One of my favorite memories of me and my dad involved a trip to the Botanical gardens. I loved seeing all the pretty flowers and I was amazed at how much my dad knew about different flowers and plants. He pointed out the azaleas. Azaleas are very common in Mobile where he was born and raised. He also loved roses. I remember finding this really pretty dark pink and cream colored rose. I thought it was so different from the others since it had more than one color. The flower also changed colors as it bloomed. I remember it smelling so sweet. It was a wonderful smell. Daddy made sure to find out the name of that rose, a double delight. He later found the plant at a nursey and planted some in front of our house for me.

double delight rose

I have prayed all weekend long to have strength to make it through this weekend. I have also prayed for all the other people out there that are missing their fathers or have difficult or strained relationships with their fathers. I pray for all the fathers out there. Their job is so important. I also pray for those who are struggling with infertility and desperately want to be fathers. This is the same perspective I have regarding Mother's Day, too.